did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
