someone get that fucking seahorse.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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