the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you have to choose: penises or morals?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
