so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
