Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
