20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
