I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
