Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I still have a little drunk in my system
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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