So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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