I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
