I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
