just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
