Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you inspire me to be a worse person
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
