If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
