Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
