I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
