you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
