Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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