Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
