i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
so much tequila, so little girl.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
