drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
