i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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