I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
