They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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