i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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