I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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