Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
