Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
