The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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