She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
