I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I need to stop coming to work sober
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
