Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
