I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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