My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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