the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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