Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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