wrigley field is MILF paradise
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
