Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
