her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
