In the future we'll all be gay
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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