youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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