yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
