we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
