I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
