It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
