there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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