i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
