two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
