Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
