we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
