Your dad touched me again.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
